What is Holiday Depression and How to Cope with it

 

by Brian Warriner

            For many of us, the Holidays are a season of big family gatherings, presents, carols, and many more events and traditions. For me, the holidays start with Halloween. Where I decorate the house, enjoy the cooler weather, and watch my horror movies. I also stock up on candy. Then there are activities like Fright Night at the local high school, where I take my nephews every year. It’s also their birthday, and then there's the big night, Halloween. I enjoy watching the children going trick-or-treating. I encourage people to take their kids trick-or-treating. After Halloween, all the decorations come down, and Thanksgiving decorations go up. For Thanksgiving, I plan a big meal. We used to host the family every year for Thanksgiving. My mom passed the tradition on to my brother. I decided that we would have a small Thanksgiving dinner. There were times I had my foot in a surgical shoe and was told to stay off it, and one year, I was just two weeks post-toe amputation, and I cooked the meal all by myself. I do not remember eating that year because I was exhausted. I had a cane in one hand, my foot in a surgical shoe. Last year, we renovated the kitchen, and as a result, I now have a sink, a stove with an oven, and a spotlight. I made it work. I cooked a big meal for my brother, my parents, and myself.

            After Thanksgiving comes the granddaddy of holidays, Christmas. By December 1st, I will either have finished or be in the middle of my Christmas shopping. I spend a few days preparing my shopping list for all the cookies that I will bake. I prepare everything I need, from the number of cookies I will be baking to the specific type of cookies I am making. I normally make my famous Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookies, as well as Chocolate Chip Raisin, Oatmeal, and Oatmeal Raisin. I make sure to have containers filled with cookies to give to the neighbors. If I am going to my brother’s house, I give his in-laws a cookie tray. While shopping for cookies, I pick up what I need for my handmade pigs in a blanket, meatballs, and other items for the Christmas party at my brother’s house. That is where we go for the holiday parade put on by the town's great fire department. They do an amazing job every year.

            As the days get closer to Christmas, we pick up the stocking stuffers, finish Christmas shopping, and I make sure everyone’s presents are wrapped, tagged, and sorted for Santa Claus. I enjoy my movies and Christmas shows. My favorite is The Nativity Story. It is a Christmas staple while I wrap presents. The Claymation movies, such as Ernest Saves Christmas, and the movies from my childhood that evoke nostalgia for the years when, in our eyes, Christmas was simpler. Even when we put up the tree, the decorations we have are staples that go on the tree. We have some additional ornaments that were gifts. In the past, when we decorated the tree, I would use some of the garland, stockings, and the tree shirt to take a funny photo, because I love to laugh, especially when things aren't going right. Laughter is the best medicine.

            Every year, our tradition is to provide Thanksgiving Dinner for (4) local families through the local Baptist church, which they announce after Halloween. We make sure we are on the list for four bags. And then, when we go shopping, we pick up items and fill the bags with the fixings for dinner. If we get a free turkey, we donate it. Like my parents raised us, if you are fortunate enough to have food on your table and a little to spare, then give it to those who are less fortunate. We do exactly that. Then, once Thanksgiving is over, we focus on gathering toys for all ages and donating them to the local police station. They distribute the toys to the families in need. It fills my heart with joy that on Christmas, we put a smile on a child’s face amid the hardships of their life.

            Over the past several years, I have been revisiting my traditions. I stopped feeling the holiday spirit because it has become stressful, especially when my parents have had health issues during the holidays. Not having the money for cookies or presents is a problem. Even when decorating the tree and the house, I pray that this year I want to feel the spirit. But it avoids me and my family. But I have this strange way of thinking, if we all make it to Christmas, then we make it to another year. I feel blessed for that. I can understand that so many things can happen that might make the holidays difficult. I remember the holidays after a loved one passed away are the worst because you are more aware of their absence. You were laid off from your job, a loved one is sick and possibly in the hospital, you are caretaking for a loved one, money is tight, and the price of everything is sky high. The worst is that you might have a child in the hospital, and the worry of the situation has taken over the feeling of the holiday spirit. The list of reasons keeps growing.

            It is okay to have no spirit for the holidays; in fact, it has made me understand the Grinch and Scrooge more. They did not hate Christmas; it was the fact that life had disappointed them that happened around Christmas. They wondered if people had to go into debt, overeat, and drink to celebrate what exactly? They both lost the reason for the season. It is time for us to open up to our fellow members of the human race. We take care of each other. I believe this to be true, not just at Christmas but all year long. But the holiday season is when we become even more aware of this principle. The Stress of three holidays back-to-back, with December featuring not just Christmas but also Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, and New Year’s Eve. Then you have birthdays, anniversaries, and many other significant life events. That you feel like you cannot catch your breath. I understand it, and if you find yourself dreading the season, and want to get through it. It is okay.

In this post, I will share strategies to help you combat holiday depression. How to differentiate between Seasonal Depression and Holiday Depression.

Causes of and Symptoms of Holiday Depression

            The causes of holiday depression can start in November and continue into December, and lift soon after New Year’s. It starts with the lack of sleep, financial stress, isolation /loneliness, excessive food and alcohol use, and unrealistic expectations. This comes from all the gatherings, the Friendsgiving, Thanksgiving, and work events, where everyone is overeating and drinking (How to Cope with The Holiday Blue, n.d). Alcohol is considered a downer or depressant. It can alter your mood and bring you down. The issues with sleeping can come from indigestion and stress. And the fact that you are struggling financially. The price of everything is going up, while wages remain stuck at the lower end of the scale. You're just managing to pay your bills, rent, and insurance, so you don't have money for anything else. It is the pride of some that keeps them from going on public assistance. It could also be the fact that they make too much to qualify for it.

            But there can be an underlying condition, or events can cause holiday depression. For example, this could be the first holiday season without a loved one, whether it was a grandparent, parent, sibling, or a furbaby. It can be difficult to get into the holiday spirit if you are grieving a loss or if you are separated from your family. Like those who are being separated and deported by the Gestapo, the family dynamics could play a part in the holiday blues (How to Cope with Holiday Stress and Depression, 2023). You might be having arguments with family, or you could be newly out or have been out of the closet. You have a family that is religious and prejudiced. They are constantly berating you and treating you like crap. This can affect your mental health. It is difficult to deal with that kind of discrimination in the home at any time of the year.

            The signs and symptoms of holiday depression can show up as changes in appetite or weight (decrease or increase), changes in sleeping patterns, depressed, irritable moods, difficulty with concentration, feelings of guilt, worthlessness, feeling more tired than usual, feeling tense, worried, anxious, loss of pleasure in doing things that you used to enjoy (How to Cope With the Holiday Blues, n.d). The intrusive thoughts that digs you deeper into a dark hole. It adds to your stress, anxiety, and depression. A person could do self-harm or even attempt or complete suicide. The hell a person can go through during the holidays can be completely overwhelming. It has reached the point where they cannot take it anymore. My heart goes out to everyone who is going through holiday depression.

 

How to Cope with Holiday Depression

            If you are a person who is dealing with holiday depression, there are ways to cope with it. I always recommend that you discuss with your mental health professional. When the holidays are coming up, you can set boundaries. Limit the number of gatherings you will attend throughout the season. Seek support and help from mental health professionals if you are not working with one. If you are grieving, you can remember a loved one or participate in charity work, such as feeding the homeless, joining the food pantry, or starting a collection for the local animal shelter (Hot to Cope with Holiday Stress and Depression, 2023). Every year, my family and I pick up toys and donate them to the police department. We donate to the animal shelter because they provide stockings for the animals that get adopted during the holidays.

            There are plenty of things you can do to ease your stress during the holidays. One can limit their food and alcohol intake. And if you choose not to drink, remember that you do not owe anyone an explanation of why you are not drinking. Learn to say no to requests for your time and participation in events and gatherings, especially if you have already committed yourself to a couple of commitments. Treat yourself with kindness and find time for yourself and what you need. The most important thing is not to isolate yourself. Get out and be sociable, but you do not have to overdo it. The isolation and loneliness are what make the holidays the most difficult. Because you are not around your family, your chosen family, or your friends and community (How to Cope with the Holiday Blues, n.d). If you are alone, go to the local senior center, elderly care, or retirement home and speak to an elderly person. As we get older, unfortunately, our families put us into facilities and sometimes forget we are there and that we exist. So, go to the places for the elderly, talk to them, and have a meal with them. I miss my elderly neighbor Ruth, who has since passed away. I would go over a say hi to her, and we would talk. They love the company if not more than you would (Kohuska-Haskin, 2023).

            There are plenty of healthy ways to deal with your holiday depression, and maybe when you employ some of the coping mechanisms that were listed, then you might just feel the spirit of the season. Once you get the spirit of the season, maybe you will enjoy it and feel like a kid again. I want to wish you Happy Holidays!

References

How to Cope with The Holiday Blues. (n.d). Very Well Mind.

https://www.verywellmind.com/holiday-blues-4771716

How to Cope with Holiday Stress and Depression. (2023, December 13).

Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/holiday-depression-and-stress

Kohuska-Haskins, B. (2023, December 29). What are Holiday Blues and How to Deal

            With them? Psychology Today. Psychology Today.

            https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-mybrian-works/202312/what-are-holiday-blues-and-how-to-deal-with-them?msockid=3c615a7a3ec3684126f04bdc3fda69d9

Grieving a Pet: It's Harder Than Greiving a Human Loved One

 by Brian Warriner

            The loss of a pet is one of the most devastating experiences in the world, whether they have crossed the Rainbow Bridge or had to be rehomed. There is no worse feeling ever. In fact, I think losing a pet or a furbaby is worse than losing a human loved one. I have experienced that, and I would not wish it on my worst enemy. Unfortunately, we had to rehome some of our pets. When I was a child, my first dog, Lucky, was a small black dog. I am not sure of her breed. She was the best dog, and when he moved, we had to rehome her. She has since crossed the Rainbow Bridge. When I was a teenager, we had a kitten that was given to us by my Aunt Stella. It was a grey, fluffy kitten we called Kit-Kat. We had her for a couple of years, and one day, my mom let her out, and she became pregnant. She gave birth to three kittens; one died, another was given to my uncle’s mom (no blood relation to me), and we kept the third, whom we called Fuzz Ball because she would curl up and look like a grey fuzz ball. We eventually took them to the animal shelter. They were adopted and lived long lives, having crossed the Rainbow Bridge.

            It was about 2006 when we adopted our dog KC. She was found as a stray, and we received a call about a small dog. When my mom met her, she fell in love. We adopted her, and she was with us for almost 20 years. In February 2023, she was slowly dying, and we had to put her down. It was the most difficult feeling; I had to make the call to my brothers. So, they can be there to let her cross over. We gathered, we cried, and we held her to say our goodbyes. They prepared her for the injections. My mom held her as she crossed Rainbow Bridge; she went with love. To hear the vet say, her heart stopped, she is gone. Just broke us all. We cried the heaviest tears. It was hard to leave her body at the vet’s office. But as I saw her soul come home with us. She was thankful to be free and happy. I looked over at the seat next to me in the car, and I saw her sitting there. I cried, and I said How about when we get her back, we set up a memorial. I would make a steak dinner for her because she loved steak. We got the call that the vet has her ashes. We picked them up, and they had a footprint, and her ashes in a box. I picked them up, and I cried like a baby. I had everything ready to create the memorial. I allowed my mom to create the memorial because she needed it more than I did. Every year, we decorate her memorial for the holidays. We have her shirts, jacket, and sweaters that I put on her memorial. In addition to a couple of her blankets and her favorite bed, which I bought her for Christmas. I continued the tradition of buying ornaments.

            After KC passed away, I said to her, 'If you crossed the Rainbow Bridge, send me a sign.' It was a few weeks later; the storm had passed, and the sun was coming out. I saw a rainbow in the sky. It was the brightest rainbow I had ever seen. When I called my mom to look, we both said it was a sign from KC. She had made it over the bridge. I started to cry like a baby. I was able to take a picture of it.

            When we had KC, we did not think to bring another pet into our house. Because she was the queen of the house, she had unlimited attention, snuggles, cuddles, and naps with mommy that she would not have liked to share. When my brother or sister brought their dogs over, she made it clear that it was her house. She ruled the house, and even at the end of her life, she was the queen of the house. The night before she passed, I sat with her, and as I cried, I told her that I knew her time with us was coming to an end. But we always missed her and loved her. I held her and I cried. It was not going to be easy to deal with her passing.

            However, this illustrates how the spirit works, as we were mourning KC, the shelter received a dog. His family surrendered him for no fault of his own. It was going to be six weeks until he would be up for adoption. My mom said if we get another dog, it would be named Chewy after Chewbacca or Yoda. We were mourning our sweet baby girl. I made it clear I did not want another pet because I could not go through this type of pain. But the house felt empty and hollow. The week my brother and dad were in the hospital, it was my brother Eric’s birthday. He was feeling down and was sad on his birthday. My mom had seen the photo of a dog named Yoda. She just fell in love with him. I had seen his picture. On my brother’s birthday, she said Let’s go to the shelter and look around. I was hesitant to do so, but I went with them. Mom led the way, and she was looking for Yoda when she saw him in the kennel. She pointed and said him. They brought him up for an interaction. I didn't want another pet, but he was a happy boy, and he wanted to get out and about. I knew it was for Eric’s birthday, and I said I had no opinion; I would deal with my feelings. It was during the interaction that I saw KC, down by my feet, and she said it was okay to share my love with another dog. She was giving her approval. I knew that he was meant for us.

He just wanted attention from everyone. We adopted him and had to wait for him to get his rabies shot. Then we could pick him up. Yoda is half Beagle and Australian Cattle Dog. He was so happy to come home. The night before, I spent time preparing for him, including his food and water dishes, as well as a spot to look out from the sliding glass door. I cried when he came home with us. He was a lonely pet in the house, until months later, we got a cat from the same shelter. Her name was Pepper, but we changed it to Leia after Princess Leia. She is my mom’s cat. Even though Yoda belongs to my brother and Leia belongs to my mom. They are everyone’s pets. When I have them together on my lap, I say, “I got my babies.” My grief was turned into love, and I shared that love with two awesome pets. I know they are not here for a long time. I take every advantage of snuggling, cuddling, and attention, and give them what I call Brother Time. I stop what I am doing, and I pet them and talk to them. My grief turned into love. I still miss KC, and nothing will change that.

This is just my story of loss; there is no wrong way to grieve the loss of a pet or loved one. We have to adjust to a life without them physically here. In doing so, we try to keep their memory alive. I donate to the shelter when I can, and I share their postings to empty the shelter and get all their animals adopted. I encourage people to adopt from shelters and foster animals instead of buying from a breeder. That is how I channeled my grief about our beloved KC. If you can fill your home with love by opening it to a pet, then you feel the blessings of loving an animal. 

Journaling in Childhood: The Benefits of Teaching Your Children to Journal

 by Brian Warriner

             When I was a child, I attended Russell Elementary School in Camp Lejeune, North Carolina. In my first-grade class, we would have a few minutes at the beginning of the day, and we would write in our journals. There was a girl in my class who would write two full pages. I could barely get a couple of sentences. Then we would share our journals. This was something that stuck with me. I did not start journaling until later in life. In middle school, I tried to journal, but I made the stupid mistake of leaving it in class, and people read it. I learned the hard way and stopped until I was in my twenties. However, when I was working in a Pre-K classroom, I had to compile the kids' journals. It was this blank grey paper that I had to count out the pages and then hole punch. Then put it in a folder with the prongs. We would put it out on the floor. We would direct the students to their journals. The students would draw a picture and then tell us what the picture represented. We would write it out in a sentence. That was how we journaled.

            From these moments, journaling stayed with me. I found it interesting that Queen Victoria, as a young girl, kept a diary. She wrote in her diary daily until she could not write anymore. Towards the end of her life, her daughter Princess Beatrice wrote her diary for her while her mom dictated to her. It was after Queen Victoria’s death that Beatrice edited her mother’s diaries and destroyed some of them due to the content of her mother's writings. In the aftermath of Prince Albert’s death, she spent the majority of her time in the Scottish Highlands and Balmoral. Her diaries of that time were published, thanks to her companion John Brown. This was a great disgrace to her family, who hated John Brown for not treating her like the queen, but rather like a person. At her death, Queen Victoria had written over 60 million words in her diaries, stretching over 141 volumes (Queen Victoria’s Diary, n.d).

            When I started to journal, I created close to 100 different journals for all different themes for any journal lover. It felt like a natural progression in my passion for journaling. As part of my mental health career, my advocacy is to encourage people to start journaling. I believe it is a great tool for children to employ. They can write about how they are feeling in their own language, and then share it with their parents, who can explain to them what feelings like sadness, happiness, depression, or anger mean. If possible, help them express those feelings in healthy ways. Unfortunately, not many parents themselves have healthy habits when it comes to expressing their feelings. I would like to see this become a way to help children gain more empathy and stronger, well-developed emotional intelligence. Honestly, I have thought about this for decades. When my beloved grandmom passed away in 1995, I did not understand the feelings I was having—the grief, the tears, and the emptiness that came with the loss of a loved one. My mom and the adults around me at the time tried their best to explain it to me while they were going through their own grief. So, I understood as best as I could at the time. It was something that I had to grow into learning. When I was growing up, there were no lessons on identifying and understanding my feelings and emotions.

            I worked with children in pre-K, kindergarten, and first grade. I appreciate that some teachers incorporate journaling into their lessons. The benefits and the lessons are a great tool for all students.

How To Start a Journaling Practice

            There are so many reasons to get children into journaling. I want to preface this by saying journaling is not for everyone. However, those who start a journaling practice feel the benefits and clarity that come with journaling. First and foremost, you want to tailor your journaling practice for your child. If your child has not learned to write, then you can do the writing for them. Begin with one or two sentences when they are in the first grade and have developed their handwriting skills. They can write on their own. I have never been fond of new digital journals. I am old school, pen to paper, for the organic feeling and how everything flows from my brain to the page.

            Whether you send your child to school or homeschool them, set aside some time to allow them to start journaling. If you do not know how to start, then use a prompt. This is an idea to spark their inspiration. Maintain the routine with consistency by doing it at the same time every day. Use a tool called habit stacking, where they grab their journal, pick their prompt, and use it for handwriting practice. I find that if you miss one or two days, that is fine, but you have to keep going (Bence, 2023). The key to developing and maintaining your routine is consistency. Stay with it, it will pay off.

            For children, as I stated, it is a great way to build emotional intelligence. With the world in such a hateful state that it is, giving our children the tools to identify, express emotions, and develop empathy can help change the world. While we are helping our children enhance their self-regulation, boost, and build resilience. As cruel children can be to each other, it can make the cruelty that adults show to each other look like child’s play. Getting children to journal and using these tools will help make processing the emotions of their lives easier (Queen, 2024).

            Journaling for children can improve literacy, enhance vocabulary, encourage creative writing, personal expression, and enhance emotional intelligence (Queen, 2024). As children grow up, these skills will help them throughout their lives. By encouraging your children to write, you may inspire them to become the next Stephen King, James Patterson, or Stephanie Myers. I love creative writing and just creating storylines and plots. It is something amazing.

Benefits

            The benefits of journaling for children are teaching them a set of life skills that they can employ. Especially when they are going through tough times, it can help reduce stress and anxiety, it can encourage emotional expression, and improve self-regulation and behavioral health. As such, they will develop a sense of self-esteem, self-awareness, and confidence in themselves. Journaling supports mental health recovery, improves focus, and academic performance (Kidsville Pediatrics, 2024).

            You got your child journaling, and after a few weeks or months, you noticed something happening. Your child’s academic performance in school has gotten better. Their memory has improved, and they are becoming more effective at achieving their goals (Bence, 2023). The more important thing is that they are enhancing their critical thinking skills. As they get older and enter higher education, they will use this skill. They will also learn to think outside the box more.

            Encouraging your children to start a journaling routine and staying with it would do a world of good for them. Especially when you are helping them and explaining what they are feeling, it is natural, and this is how you can express it. Moreover, it might open a dialogue between you and your child. When you speak about their entries, it can help improve their communication skills. Furthermore, how they can articulate ideas and know that your child is hurting, happy, upset, or going through things can help you help them. I believe that what parents want more than anything is to know how their kid is doing.

            This does not have to be a serious activity. Make it fun, have your child pick their journal, or you can create one. Have them decorate it. You can use a sketchbook and give them space to make a collage, doodle, and create a story. Give them space to be quiet and let them write or draw. As the parent or teacher, be supportive and respectful to encourage a share. It will help them open up.

Do’s and Don’ts

            There are not a lot of dos and don’ts when it comes to encouraging children to start journaling. It is not a serious activity. What you want to do is start them as early as they can write. You will want to explain to them what journaling is and how fun it is. Give them space to write and set an environment that nurtures their interest in journaling (Gibbs, 2023).

            You do not want to force them into it. If they do not want to write a journal entry, they do not have to. In a classroom setting, if they do not want to write in their journal. Please encourage them to draw a picture or sit quietly so as not to disturb their neighbors. When it comes to sharing their entries, it is entirely up to the child (Gibbs, 2023).

Prompts for Journaling for Children

       ·        Draw something fun

       ·        Write about something that makes you sad

       ·        What is something that brings you joy?

       ·        What is your favorite animal?

       ·        Draw three patterns using shapes.

        ·        What is on your mind today?

        ·        Do you have a pet? If so, write about your pet.

        ·        When you see a falling star in the sky, what feelings do you feel?

        ·        Draw a picture of your family

        ·        Draw yourself as a superhero

        ·        Write about a day that you were happy

        ·        You blinked and are back in the time of the dinosaurs, write about what dinosaurs you see.

        ·        What is your favorite food?

        ·        Write about your favorite holiday and why it is your favorite.

        ·        Write about your favorite book. Why do you like it?

 

 

These are the journals I designed for children. They are 8in x 11in, 60 pages. If you wish to purchase one of these journals for your children or classroom, please use the link below.

https://www.lulu.com/search?page=1&sortBy=RELEVANCE&q=Brian+Warriner&pageSize=10&adult_audience_rating=00&language=eng&category=Children%27s

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

References

Queen Victoria’s Diary. (n.d). www.rct.uk. https://www.rct.uk/resources/diary-victorias-diary

Bence, S. (2013, June 27). The Benefits of Creating a Journaling Routine. Very Well Health.

            https://www.verywellhealth.com/journaling-7498123

Queen. (2024 February 4). The Transformative Power of Journaling for Children.

            The Little Raindrops Club. https://thelittleraindropsclub.com/benefits-fo-journaling-for-children/

Kidsville Pediatrics. (2024, December 19). 10 Amazing Benefits of Journaling for Kids.

Kidsville Pediatrics. https://www.kidsvillepediatrics.com/blog/1257641-10-amazing-benefits-of-journaling-for-kids/

Gibbs, A. (2023, September 9). Journaling for Kids: Expert Tips to Help Them Thrive, Traps to Avoid.

            Newsweek. https://www.newsweek.com/journaling-kids-expert-tips-help-them-thrive-traps-avoid-1824282