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by Brian Warriner
For
many of us, the Holidays are a season of big family gatherings, presents,
carols, and many more events and traditions. For me, the holidays start with
Halloween. Where I decorate the house, enjoy the cooler weather, and watch my
horror movies. I also stock up on candy. Then there are activities like Fright
Night at the local high school, where I take my nephews every year. It’s also
their birthday, and then there's the big night, Halloween. I enjoy watching the
children going trick-or-treating. I encourage people to take their kids
trick-or-treating. After Halloween, all the decorations come down, and
Thanksgiving decorations go up. For Thanksgiving, I plan a big meal. We used to
host the family every year for Thanksgiving. My mom passed the tradition on to
my brother. I decided that we would have a small Thanksgiving dinner. There
were times I had my foot in a surgical shoe and was told to stay off it, and
one year, I was just two weeks post-toe amputation, and I cooked the meal all
by myself. I do not remember eating that year because I was exhausted. I had a
cane in one hand, my foot in a surgical shoe. Last year, we renovated the
kitchen, and as a result, I now have a sink, a stove with an oven, and a
spotlight. I made it work. I cooked a big meal for my brother, my parents, and
myself.
After
Thanksgiving comes the granddaddy of holidays, Christmas. By December 1st, I
will either have finished or be in the middle of my Christmas shopping. I spend
a few days preparing my shopping list for all the cookies that I will bake. I
prepare everything I need, from the number of cookies I will be baking to the
specific type of cookies I am making. I normally make my famous Toll House
Chocolate Chip Cookies, as well as Chocolate Chip Raisin, Oatmeal, and Oatmeal
Raisin. I make sure to have containers filled with cookies to give to the
neighbors. If I am going to my brother’s house, I give his in-laws a cookie
tray. While shopping for cookies, I pick up what I need for my handmade pigs in
a blanket, meatballs, and other items for the Christmas party at my brother’s
house. That is where we go for the holiday parade put on by the town's great
fire department. They do an amazing job every year.
As
the days get closer to Christmas, we pick up the stocking stuffers, finish
Christmas shopping, and I make sure everyone’s presents are wrapped, tagged,
and sorted for Santa Claus. I enjoy my movies and Christmas shows. My favorite
is The Nativity Story. It is a Christmas staple while I wrap presents. The
Claymation movies, such as Ernest Saves Christmas, and the movies from my
childhood that evoke nostalgia for the years when, in our eyes, Christmas was
simpler. Even when we put up the tree, the decorations we have are staples that
go on the tree. We have some additional ornaments that were gifts. In the past,
when we decorated the tree, I would use some of the garland, stockings, and the
tree shirt to take a funny photo, because I love to laugh, especially when
things aren't going right. Laughter is the best medicine.
Every
year, our tradition is to provide Thanksgiving Dinner for (4) local families
through the local Baptist church, which they announce after Halloween. We make
sure we are on the list for four bags. And then, when we go shopping, we pick
up items and fill the bags with the fixings for dinner. If we get a free
turkey, we donate it. Like my parents raised us, if you are fortunate enough to
have food on your table and a little to spare, then give it to those who are
less fortunate. We do exactly that. Then, once Thanksgiving is over, we focus
on gathering toys for all ages and donating them to the local police station.
They distribute the toys to the families in need. It fills my heart with joy
that on Christmas, we put a smile on a child’s face amid the hardships of their
life.
Over
the past several years, I have been revisiting my traditions. I stopped feeling
the holiday spirit because it has become stressful, especially when my parents
have had health issues during the holidays. Not having the money for cookies or
presents is a problem. Even when decorating the tree and the house, I pray that
this year I want to feel the spirit. But it avoids me and my family. But I have
this strange way of thinking, if we all make it to Christmas, then we make it
to another year. I feel blessed for that. I can understand that so many things
can happen that might make the holidays difficult. I remember the holidays
after a loved one passed away are the worst because you are more aware of their
absence. You were laid off from your job, a loved one is sick and possibly in
the hospital, you are caretaking for a loved one, money is tight, and the price
of everything is sky high. The worst is that you might have a child in the
hospital, and the worry of the situation has taken over the feeling of the
holiday spirit. The list of reasons keeps growing.
It is
okay to have no spirit for the holidays; in fact, it has made me understand the
Grinch and Scrooge more. They did not hate Christmas; it was the fact that life
had disappointed them that happened around Christmas. They wondered if people
had to go into debt, overeat, and drink to celebrate what exactly? They both
lost the reason for the season. It is time for us to open up to our fellow
members of the human race. We take care of each other. I believe this to be
true, not just at Christmas but all year long. But the holiday season is when
we become even more aware of this principle. The Stress of three holidays back-to-back,
with December featuring not just Christmas but also Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Winter
Solstice, and New Year’s Eve. Then you have birthdays, anniversaries, and many
other significant life events. That you feel like you cannot catch your breath.
I understand it, and if you find yourself dreading the season, and want to get
through it. It is okay.
In this post, I will
share strategies to help you combat holiday depression. How to differentiate
between Seasonal Depression and Holiday Depression.
Causes of and Symptoms of Holiday
Depression
The
causes of holiday depression can start in November and continue into December,
and lift soon after New Year’s. It starts with the lack of sleep, financial
stress, isolation /loneliness, excessive food and alcohol use, and unrealistic
expectations. This comes from all the gatherings, the Friendsgiving,
Thanksgiving, and work events, where everyone is overeating and drinking (How
to Cope with The Holiday Blue, n.d). Alcohol is considered a downer or
depressant. It can alter your mood and bring you down. The issues with sleeping
can come from indigestion and stress. And the fact that you are struggling
financially. The price of everything is going up, while wages remain stuck at
the lower end of the scale. You're just managing to pay your bills, rent, and
insurance, so you don't have money for anything else. It is the pride of some
that keeps them from going on public assistance. It could also be the fact that
they make too much to qualify for it.
But there
can be an underlying condition, or events can cause holiday depression. For
example, this could be the first holiday season without a loved one, whether it
was a grandparent, parent, sibling, or a furbaby. It can be difficult to get into
the holiday spirit if you are grieving a loss or if you are separated from your
family. Like those who are being separated and deported by the Gestapo, the
family dynamics could play a part in the holiday blues (How to Cope with
Holiday Stress and Depression, 2023). You might be having arguments with
family, or you could be newly out or have been out of the closet. You have a
family that is religious and prejudiced. They are constantly berating you and
treating you like crap. This can affect your mental health. It is difficult to
deal with that kind of discrimination in the home at any time of the year.
The
signs and symptoms of holiday depression can show up as changes in appetite or
weight (decrease or increase), changes in sleeping patterns, depressed,
irritable moods, difficulty with concentration, feelings of guilt, worthlessness,
feeling more tired than usual, feeling tense, worried, anxious, loss of pleasure
in doing things that you used to enjoy (How to Cope With the Holiday Blues,
n.d). The intrusive thoughts that digs you deeper into a dark hole. It adds to
your stress, anxiety, and depression. A person could do self-harm or even attempt
or complete suicide. The hell a person can go through during the holidays can
be completely overwhelming. It has reached the point where they cannot take it
anymore. My heart goes out to everyone who is going through holiday depression.
How to Cope with Holiday Depression
If
you are a person who is dealing with holiday depression, there are ways to cope
with it. I always recommend that you discuss with your mental health
professional. When the holidays are coming up, you can set boundaries. Limit
the number of gatherings you will attend throughout the season. Seek support
and help from mental health professionals if you are not working with one. If
you are grieving, you can remember a loved one or participate in charity work,
such as feeding the homeless, joining the food pantry, or starting a collection
for the local animal shelter (Hot to Cope with Holiday Stress and Depression,
2023). Every year, my family and I pick up toys and donate them to the police
department. We donate to the animal shelter because they provide stockings for
the animals that get adopted during the holidays.
There
are plenty of things you can do to ease your stress during the holidays. One
can limit their food and alcohol intake. And if you choose not to drink,
remember that you do not owe anyone an explanation of why you are not drinking.
Learn to say no to requests for your time and participation in events and
gatherings, especially if you have already committed yourself to a couple of
commitments. Treat yourself with kindness and find time for yourself and what
you need. The most important thing is not to isolate yourself. Get out and be sociable,
but you do not have to overdo it. The isolation and loneliness are what make
the holidays the most difficult. Because you are not around your family, your
chosen family, or your friends and community (How to Cope with the Holiday
Blues, n.d). If you are alone, go to the local senior center, elderly care, or
retirement home and speak to an elderly person. As we get older, unfortunately,
our families put us into facilities and sometimes forget we are there and that we
exist. So, go to the places for the elderly, talk to them, and have a meal with
them. I miss my elderly neighbor Ruth, who has since passed away. I would go
over a say hi to her, and we would talk. They love the company if not more than
you would (Kohuska-Haskin, 2023).
There
are plenty of healthy ways to deal with your holiday depression, and maybe when
you employ some of the coping mechanisms that were listed, then you might just
feel the spirit of the season. Once you get the spirit of the season, maybe you
will enjoy it and feel like a kid again. I want to wish you Happy Holidays!
References
How to Cope with The Holiday Blues. (n.d). Very Well
Mind.
https://www.verywellmind.com/holiday-blues-4771716
How to Cope with Holiday Stress and Depression. (2023,
December 13).
Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/holiday-depression-and-stress
Kohuska-Haskins, B. (2023, December 29). What are
Holiday Blues and How to Deal
With them?
Psychology Today. Psychology Today.
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