by Brian Warriner
In my
younger years, in my pre-adolescent years, I had contemplated completing
suicide. However, I never followed through with it. I spoke about this in my
blog post titled My Journey with Mental Illness: My Beginning. (link here). Nevertheless,
I spoke to my school counselor, and my journey with mental illness started. I
am thankful that I never completed suicide. Because of the life I would have
missed out on, the things I achieved. Has it been a barrel of fun? No!
Now
you will see me using the term completed suicide rather than committed suicide.
I want to change the dialogue around suicide. When a person has decided to end
their life, they have completed the act of suicide. When you use the term
committed it makes it sound like they committed a crime. The person did not
commit anything. I believe the more we talk about it in these new terms, the
more we change the narrative around suicide.
The
only experience I had with suicide, besides the thoughts I had, was when I was
in middle school. A high school girl completed suicide. Why, I do not know. Only
those close to her may or may not know. This was almost thirty years ago. For
the protection of those involved, and to avoid bringing up memories. I will not
mention her name. I remember there was talk, but that is life in a small town.
I remember the silence, notice this when someone passes away; it feels like
someone sucked all the sound out of the room. I had friends go to the funeral;
in fact, most of the school went to pay their respects. I did not know her, and
until someone pointed her out in the yearbook, I would never have known what
she looked like.
Beyond
that experience, you hear how some celebrities have passed away due to
completing suicide. This is mostly due to mental health issues like those of
Naomi Judd, Robin Williams, and Freddie Prinze. There was a connection to
mental illness that had brought them to take their lives. Naomi Judd spoke
openly in time before her suicide about her mental health struggles. To see
someone struggle with mental illness, and they see suicide as their only
option. However, it is not the only option. This is where I will say that if
you are experiencing mental illness and having suicidal thoughts or tendencies,
please seek medical help right away.
What is Suicide?
Suicide
is the intentional and sometimes unintentional act of ending one’s own life by
self-harm. Death that is caused by self-harm (Cleveland Clinic, 2021). When
someone completes suicide by various means, the pain that is left behind is
intense. The truth is some people may be in denial that their loved one
completed suicide. It is because they did not show signs, or they ignored the
signs, that someone was thinking about taking their own life. However, we will
get into that more later.
We
all have had someone in our lives who has complete suicide. I think we all know
where we were when we heard about Jason David Frank, Kurt Cobain, Robin
Williams, and, if you are a K-pop follower, many K-pop singers have completed
suicide. The common factor was that they had mental health issues such as
depression or anxiety. In the case of Robin Williams, who had Lewy body
Dementia. Carol Landis, an actress, and singer from the 1930s and 40s, who
completed suicide after her married lover broke up with her and refused to
marry her. She took pills in her bathroom and left a note. Jimmy Shields was
the lifelong partner of actor turned interior designer William “Billy” Haines,
after Billy’s death from cancer in 1973. Jimmy could not bear to live without
his beloved. He taped a letter on his bedroom door, locked himself in, and
completed suicide.
Now,
I am not promoting suicide. I believe that suicide is a quick answer to a
long-term problem. I think we all have the strength to keep fighting and
treating our mental health issues. However, I say this that some people, after
they have done everything that they could do to treat their mental health.
Nothing worked, and they feel they have no alternative but to complete suicide.
This is truly a sad reality for many people.
Signs Someone is Suicidal
When
someone is contemplating suicide, they show signs, or they may have a history
of suicide attempts. Alternatively, they have a history of self-harm. However,
each group has similar signs and different ones. Whether childhood,
adolescence, young adulthood, adulthood, or senior years. I know you are
thinking to yourself, what children contemplate suicide? The answer is yes; it
is not exclusive to one population.
In
younger children, they have changes in school performance, poor grades, changes
in sleeping, excessive worry or anxiety, hyperactivity, persistent nightmares,
persistent disobedience, and display frequent temper tantrums (Recognizing
Warning Signs and How to Cope, 2024). These are the signs to look out for and
keep an eye on. If you believe your child exhibits these signs, I encourage you
to seek help from the school counselor or a psychologist.
In
older children and those who are preadolescent, they might engage in substance
abuse, changes in sleeping and eating habits, excessive complaints of physical
ailments, changes in ability to manage responsibilities at home and school,
defiance of authority, truancy, theft and vandalism, and intense fear
(Recognizing Warning Signs and How to Cope, 2024). It is possible that they
might not be contemplating suicide, but they are showing signs of mental health
issues. Please consult with a mental health professional for further
evaluation.
In
adolescence, young adulthood, and adulthood, they may exhibit the following
signs like confused thinking, prolonged sadness, and irritability, feeling
extreme high and lows, excessive fears, worries, and anxieties, social withdrawal,
dramatic changes in eating or sleeping, strong feelings of anger, strange
thoughts/ delusions, hallucinations, growing inability to cope with daily activities,
thoughts of self-harm, substance abuse/ use, unexplainable physical ailments
(Recognizing Warning Signs and How to (Cope, 2024).
I
cannot stress this enough to all my readers: if you or someone you know is
experiencing these signs, seek help for yourself and for them. Suicide is a
preventable and serious public health problem.
Strategies to Prevent Suicide
As a
society and as a community, we have the responsibility to prevent suicide. To
know how and to have the government's assistance in what to do in preventing
suicide. The Centers for Disease Control/ CDC have put out on their website a
set of strategies for the prevention of suicide, which, honestly, not many
people know about. As I reviewed the list, I noticed things that the government
should be doing, for example, strengthening economic support like improved
household financial security, stabilizing housing, and improving access to
suicide care. There are things as a community that we can do in tandem with
government assistance. For example, teach coping and problem skills, promote
health connections, create protective environments, identify and support people
at risk, and lessen harm to prevent future risks (CDC, 2022).
If a
loved one or a stranger says they are considering suicide. Please do not brush
it off as an offhand comment. Take the person seriously, stay with them, and
help remove lethal means. That means remove anything that could be used as an
instrument of self-harm. I do not care if it is a shoestring or a belt. It
needs to be removed. Call 988, the suicide and crisis hotline, or text 741741
to the crisis text line, escort them to the emergency room, or to a mental
health professional. This is the best thing you can do for them. Nonetheless,
please do not leave them until they are in the right space, such as an
emergency room (What to do When Someone is a Risk, n.d).
If a
loved one confesses to you that they have attempted to or self-harmed, or is
even thinking about suicide. You can have honest conversations with them. I
will stress here that you do not try to debate or offer advice. Please do not
try to minimize their problems. Just listen to them. Talk to them in private,
listen to their story, tell them you care, and reassure them that you care.
Please encourage them to seek treatment or contact their doctor/ therapist. If
they feel like they will attempt suicide, take them to the emergency room. They
are given priority because a possible suicide attempt or mental health crisis
goes ahead of the line. The hospital has
protocols to deal with mental health crises. Once they are admitted for a
seventy-two-hour psychiatric hold or to a safe environment, you can then leave
(What to do When Someone is a Risk, n.d).
Being
in this kind of situation is scary and can be hard to deal with. If you find
yourself in this situation, listen to them, if you cannot get them to a safe
space. Because they refuse to, they need to, especially if the counselor on the
crisis line or their therapist said it is needed. Call the police and tell them
you have found someone here on a possible suicide attempt, and they need to be
taken to the hospital. They will arrive and secure the scene for the person to
be evaluated by a paramedic. If they do not want to go, it is the best thing
for them. They might say things and make threats, but do not take them
seriously. They are lashing out at you. As long as they are in safe hands and
the police and paramedics can handle the situation, it is okay to remove
yourself from the situation.
Statistics of Suicide
When
it comes to suicide by numbers, the sad truth is that males are at a higher
risk of completing suicide than females. The following numbers are based on the
number of people who have died by suicide per 100,000 population. In 2023, the
number of suicide deaths was four times higher in males (22.8 per 100,000) than
in females (5.9 per 100,000) (NIMH-Suicide, 2024).
According
to the numbers from the National Institute of Mental Health, in 2000, suicide
deaths increased 35% starting at 10.4 per 100,000 to 14.2 per 100,000 in 2018.
Then declined to 13.9 per 100,000 in 2019, with a slight decline in 2020 to
13.5 per 100,000. With the pandemic, the number of deaths by suicide increased
14.0 per 100,000 in 2021. The numbers increased slightly in 2022 to 14.2 per
100,000, then decreased slightly to 14.1 per 100,000 in 2023 (NIMH-Suicide,
2024).
Changing the Dialogue on Suicide
Now,
throughout this post, I have said things like completed suicide instead of
committed. I have talked for years about the need to change the dialogue
surrounding how we talk about suicide. This is not to glamorize it, but to get
people to change their thinking. Suicide is never the answer. Those who are
experiencing mental health issues or a crisis need to know that there is help
available and that we need to seek it out. Unfortunately, it will not come to
us. We should not stop seeking help. Because our lives matter, and the hell we
are going through will pass. We need to get tools to cope with our mental
health issues. That is the reason for this blog’s existence: to offer as many
alternatives and recommendations as possible for you to try. As well as
advocate for you to work in tandem with your mental health provider/ therapist,
psychiatrist, or psychologist.
When
someone completes suicide, it is almost a guarantee that they have a history of
suicide attempts that you may or may not be aware of, when someone makes
comments about suicide, that should be the first clue to worry. Please do not
laugh them off or say things like, “Stop saying that”, “You are crazy”. They
are making a last-ditch effort not to follow through with the attempt.
Sometimes,
your loved one may not even discuss, say anything, or show warning signs that
they are about to complete suicide. They may have a smile, make plans, have set
long-term goals, and seem to be okay. Literally could be here this week and be
gone by next week. The sad truth is that some people are quiet when it comes to
their own pain. Because they do not want to be a burden, feel weak, or anything
else. The truth is the burden they do not want to be is what they become when
they complete the act of suicide. I say this because they leave behind pain,
grief, and so much more. The truth is, when someone has made up their mind
about suicide, they will keep it a secret until they do it.
I am
reminded of the episode of The Golden Girls, titled “Not Another Day”, when Sophia’s
friend Martha plans to complete suicide. She takes Sophia out to dinner to ask
her. Sophia shows up to talk her out of it. Just as Martha checks her list,
Sophia starts talking to her and gets her to change her mind (Hughes, 1989). My
advice is to talk to people if you feel like completing suicide or trying. No,
it is not attention-seeking behavior. This is too serious to chalk up to
someone seeking attention or you not taking them seriously. Because you could
end up saving someone’s life, whether it is yours or a loved one's, it matters.
References
Cleveland Clinic. (2021). Suicide: What it is, Signs,
Risk Factors, and Prevention. Cleveland Clinic.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/suicide
Recognizing Warning Signs and How to Cope| Mental
Health America. (2024). Mental Health America
https://mhanational.org/resources/recognizing-warning-signs-and-how-to-cope/
CDC. (2022) Prevention Strategies. www.cdc.gov.
https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/prevention.index.html
What to do When Someone is a Risk. (n.d). American
Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
https://afsp.org/what-to-do-when-someone-is-a-risk|
NIMH-Suicide. (2024, February). National Institute of
Mental Health. www.nimh.gov.
https://www.nimh.gov/health/statisitcs/suicide#part_2557
Hughes, T. (1989, November 11). The Golden Girls. Season
5, Episode 7. [Review of The Golden Girls].
NBC.
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