Survivor's Guilt: The Pain of Losing Someone

 by: Brian Warriner

            Have you ever been through a situation and survived? Like a car accident where you were driving and your loved one who was in the passenger seat died. Alternatively, you are in a plane crash and your spouse dies, but you survive. You are left with questions about why you survived the accident or situation. Especially if in a disaster, at first you go into denial and blame everyone for the reason why your loved one died. Survivor’s guilt is a process, but it is not linear. I remember a television show where a man protected his children in a fire and lost his life. His wife blamed the firefighters who responded to the call for her husband’s death. She sued them when it came out that they were not at fault. I also remember how people can get angry and upset that they survived, and their loved one(s) did not.

            Granted that kind of pain is a given, I do not think I could comprehend that kind of pain. Where, every day after that, you are consumed by the events that led to the death of your loved one(s). It can replay in your mind, and you have persistent depression and anxiety. It would cause a person to question why or how you can go on without your loved one. Moreover, it is this constant thinking process that might drive a person to suicide, addiction, or dangerous behavior. I am aware that many cultures have their own perspectives on therapy, counseling, psychology, and psychiatry as a whole. However, seeking help allows you to adjust more effectively and lead a more fulfilling life.

            Survivor’s guilt can cause one to question their relationship with their higher power. Moreover, will ask questions, like “Why me?” “Why did I survive, and so in so did not?” “Why did you forsake me?”

            The truth is, it is not what you think. Moreover, to hear someone say, “Things happen for a reason,” or “It was just their time,” or “It was not your time either.” Hearing these statements makes you want to punch someone in the face because they are something you do not want to hear, even if they are true. It can be triggering for someone in the midst of the aftermath of a death. It is a situation where a person can become stuck in their head and thoughts. This can make things worse for you.

            A person suffering from survivor’s guilt may feel numbness and disconnected from reality, shame, and sadness, and regret over perceived inaction or inability, anxiety, and depression. They may also experience social withdrawal, deal with insomnia, and have low self-esteem. This does make their world feel like a never-ending hell, especially if the person is a veteran who has been in the combat zone and saw their friends die right in front of them—or seeing them in an explosion. Veterans can experience PTSD and survivor’s guilt.

            While I was reading on a website, verywellmind.com, where survivors’ guilt could be a symptom of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), it is also possible that survivor’s guilt can be presented as a mood and stress disorder (Cherry, 2021).

            According to choosingtherapy.com, there are many scenarios where a person may also encounter episodes or bouts of survivor’s guilt, such as through natural disasters, genocides, such as what is happening in Gaza, and school shootings. Mass shootings. Wars can cause people to suffer from survivor’s guilt (Waichler, 2023). Every one of these situations has played out before our eyes. Furthermore, it can lead those involved, more importantly, those who survived these acts, to develop any more of the mental disorders or a combination of them.

            I will always recommend that if you have feelings of survivor’s guilt, grief/ bereavement, and suicidal thoughts, I recommend that you reach out to a mental health facility or the local emergency room. You need to seek help if you are having a mental health medical emergency.

 

Resources

Cherry, K (2021, February 20). Tips for Managing Survivor’s Guilt. Very Well Mind

            Https://www.verywelmind.com/survivors-guilt-4688743

Waichler, I. (2023, November 7). Survivor’s Guilt: Why It Happens and 7 Ways to Cope.

Choosing Therapy. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/survivors-guilt/