by Brian Warriner
Grief is a loaded word because it
evokes a lot of emotion. Because we understand it’s a word that evokes a lot of
emotion and action. It manifests itself in various ways, depending on the
emotional connection associated with the situation. Grief affects individuals
differently, depending on the nature of their relationship with the deceased.
Let’s say you had a family member who abused you. When they die, you won’t cry.
You would be happy that they are dead. Now, let’s say you are a parent whose
child passes away, and it would break you. And the sadness and depression stick
with you. Many emotions come through in these situations. Grief is a universal
experience that everyone encounters.
We
all experience this universal expression in many ways. When my grandmom passed
away, it was unexpected; my grandpop, we knew he would pass away. Same with my
Aunt Stella, we had gathered around the week she was dying. My Aunt B passed
away unexpectedly. When my mom told me that the paramedics took her out. I knew
something had happened. Then, being a psychic medium, I saw my paternal
grandparents grabbing Aunt B’s hand and bringing her home. That’s been
something that has happened recently. I got to see both my aunts’ transitions,
which helped me accept that they had made it to the other side. But I am human
and still have to go through the emotions of mourning a loved one. It wasn't
easy to go through because things wouldn’t be the same. With Aunt B, we would
go on vacation to Myrtle Beach. My Aunt Stella would call during the week of a
holiday and ask when dinner would be, or she would go grocery shopping in our
freezer. At the beginning of the summer, she called and asked if we had the
pool open. She and my mom would go in the pool. It’s memories like this that make certain
times of the year difficult.
Although the grieving process is broken
into steps, the grieving process itself isn’t linear. We can experience the
stages of grief in many forms and stages. The manifestation of the stage
depends on the person experiencing grief. You bounce from stage to stage. One
minute you might be in denial and shock, next you are depressed. Then one day,
you might experience anger, followed by bargaining with God. Some may
experience grief when they are caring for a sick parent or loved one. They had
come so close to dying and had been by the deathbed to say their goodbyes. The
loved ones recover. At which you have said everything you needed to, you’ve
cried every tear, and you are at the point where it’s like, stop holding on,
go. Or you have a loved one completed suicide, I want to point out the change
in terminology from committed to completed. When you use the term 'committed,'
it sounds like they committed a crime, when in fact they didn’t. But they
completed the act of suicide. I will, from now on, use the term 'completed'. I
plan on going in-depth in future blog posts. In this case, you may be in denial
that your loved one performed this act, then you go into anger, and back to
denial about their mental health status. However, you might accept it and then
revert to anger. Everyone approaches the process differently. Everyone mourns
differently. For example, on the television show MOM, season 6 episode 115
(Widdoes, 2018). When Marjorie’s husband dies, she is relieved that he has
passed away. But Christy kept pushing her to show emotion and cry. But Christy
didn’t understand that grief doesn’t happen when you say it should. Wendy
explains that when a loved one is sick for a long time, the survivor has
already mourned them. When they do pass away, they are more relieved than sad. One
of the models used in grief counseling is the Kübler-Ross Model. Created by Swiss
Psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (1926-2004) (biography.com editor,2018). She
created the five stages of grief (see picture below)
There are other models of the grieving process that have more than five steps. When researching the grief process, you may encounter the five stages of grief. (see picture below). It doesn’t matter which model you use; it is possible to feel multiple steps of the process simultaneously, which can make the journey much more intense. This can make it difficult to determine your current stage in the process. They say time heals all wounds. I don’t believe this. In my work as a psychic medium, I have had clients who said it feels like yesterday their loved one left. And it’s been decades. The only thing with grief is that it can be coped with and dealt with. But what we go through is an adjustment to not having that loved one in our everyday lives. We can’t call them up, go to lunch, and hang out with them. That’s the only thing we have that physically looks like healing. I do recommend that if you are dealing with grief and grieving a loved one, then seek help from a grief counselor.
It’s this very topic and my
experience that have encouraged me to study and become a clinical mental health
counselor with a specialty in grief counseling. That's why you'll find more
information about grief on my blog.
Resources
Widdoes, J
(2018, Oct 25). Mom, Season 6, Episode 115, CBS
Biography.com
Editors, (2021, April 7), Elisabeth Kubler-Ross-Quotes, 5 Steps of Grief and
Facts, https://www.biography.com/scientists/elisabeth-kubler-ross
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